It’s Halloween time again, folks! Time to dust off your costumes, but out the dark make-up, and for the ladies, maybe time to let the leg fur grow in to dress up as Bigfoot? Ok… so… that was a scary thought, but do you know what else is scary? Monsters! Oh we all love them deep down. There’s nothing like a good vampire flick to get your adrenaline going. [Note: Twilight is not a horror movie, ya pansy.]

We’ve all seen atleast one movie that’s caused the ol’ neck hair to stand on end. If you haven’t jumped into the genre in a while, you really should. There’s always a slew of great characters out there, and even the bad ones are good in their own right! Here’s my list of the top 5 best horror villians of the past few years. Some of these flix are newer, and some old, but each are worthy of a watch!

”The Demon” from Insidious (2010)

Some people love this movie and some people hate it. There’s a fair amount of boring story telling at the beginning, and in the middle, and somewhat at the end. To me, that leads up to a good story. What really stuck out in my mind was the red and black faced demon creature thing that just pops into the picture and SCARED THE LIVING PEE OUT OF ME. It’s probably the most famous still shot of the movie, and it’s the part that spooked me.

 THERE! THAT THING! WHAT THE @)%*@#)$(???

Why was “the demon” so great? That, right there. It just popped up out of nowhere, and it’s the best “pop out of nowhere and scare your britches brown” that I’ve seen in a LONG time. Everything is calm and mellow and then BAM!! DARTH MAUL JUST GOT REAL!!!

”The Thing” from The Thing (1982)

I heard that there was a remake of this one, so I instantly disregarded it and went on about my life. The Thing is a horror movie classic from the master John Carpenter about a bunch of guys stationed in Antarctica doing research on snowmen or the polar opposite of Santa or something. (Get it? Polar opposite? Eh, screw it…) The movie starts out with some crazy Norwegian shenanigans and a dog and quickly spirals into an icy hell only warmed by the masculinity of Kurt Russell’s beard.

“The Thing” itself (SPOILERS!!) is an alien mimic that can copy the shape of whatever it kills. I say that’s a spoiler, but that by no means spoils it for anyone who hasn’t seen it. From dogs to humans, the alien thing can be anyone. When you’re deserted in the frozen wastelands at the bottom of the world and don’t know who is human and who is about to grow a mouth from their bellybutton and eat you, things can get pretty scary pretty quick.

Notable forms of the “Thing” include a dog conglomeration, giant jaws in the aforementioned belly button, a crab-walking disembodied head, and Wilford “eat your oatmeal before you get diabeeetus” Brimley.

 Erhmeherd…ter merny chili dergs…

“Freddy” from A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Now I’m not huge on remakes, reboots, rehashes, or redoes here, but I’m going to give some massive credit to the reboot of Elm Street, and I credit it to the one person that deserves all the fame: Jackie Earle Haley. If you don’t know the name, you should. He was Rorschach in “Watchmen” and was epic in that role. If you haven’t spent the requisite 3 hours to watch Watchmen, what is WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?

In real life, Jackie is creepy. The guy’s short, and no offense to you smaller folks, but he’s just that creepy small stature that is PERFECT in this role. (He’s only 5’5”.) His voice goes from pathetic loser to gruff in a flash, and his portrayal of Freddy is truly the stuff of nightmares. The acting is superb, the remake of this classic is superb, and holy crap did this one work out!!!

Plus, c’mon now… It’s Freddy Frickin Krueger, people! No cheesy lines in this version, it’s ALL about killing you in your sleep by invading your dreams, messing with your mind, and cerebrally raping you to death. (Maybe rape was too strong of a word… nah.) Go to sleep, and DIE! 1-2 Freddy’s coming for you….

 Haley, seen here with and without a hat.

”Mrs. Carmody” from The Mist (2007)

Based on a Stephen King novella, The Mist is the story of The Punisher and that chick from The Walking Dead and a bunch of other people who get trapped inside a grocery store and while a thick monster-bearing fog envelopes their whole town. Panic is had, people go nutsy, toiletpaper is lit on fire, and lots of other wackiness ensues. Oh, and there’s giant alien spiders and mosquitoes.

The TRUE horror of this movie, and perhaps the whole point of it if you’re into reading into things, is the nature of people when faced with a great threat. Nothing in ANY movie compares to the over the top Mrs. Carmody, a religious whackjob that bangs the Bible everytime the wind blows in an evil direction. The character leads people to murder in the name of a vengeful Old Testament-style God, showing us the horrors that humanity is capable of in the name of faith during a crisis. EXPIATION!!!

 She does a LOT of finger pointing, too. Old Testament finger pointing.

”Asami Yamazaki” from Audition (1999)

I’m willing to bet that you haven’t heard of this one, which is a crying shame. If you call yourself a horror fanatic but haven’t dipped into the rich offerings from the far east, then you’re an absolute poser. Go put your Abercrombie gear back on and head out to stand in line for the next Twilight piece of crap. You suck.

“Audition” is one of the most beautiful movies I have ever seen. The filming, the music, and everything about it is just… wow. Of course, it’s all in Japanese so I can’t understand a word they’re saying, but it’s neat nonetheless. “Asami” is your typical Japanese girl, very slender and pretty, long black hair, and eyes that kinda remind you of a porcelain doll…and that’s where it gets creepy. Girl. Is. Psycho. Period.

Pretty girl + quiet demeanor + latex smock + one of those hand cable saw things that you might have in a survival kit + a foot = … Oh just watch the clip already!!!!! Audition Montage

 
Hint: That’s not laundry.

By no means is this a complete list of the worst badass baddies in film, but it’s some of the best of the worst to come to mine. Honorable mentions can go out to a myriad of characters, but maybe we’ll save that for a follow-up article. Until then, who is your favorite? Shout out, ghosts and ghouls, and have a Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeeen!!!!!!!