Congratulations McDonald’s, you have been chosen as the first AXtreme Makeover finalist! We saw that you recently wrote us a letter to be made over. Oh wait, that wasn’t a letter, it was an advertisement letting us know about your new “healthy” under 400 calorie choices. Fortunately for you, we saw this as your official letter for a makeover. Time to put Team AXtreme to work! There is no time to waste, because we’ve got a lot of work to do.

Step 1

We need to talk about your “ad”. This did seem genuine and you had the best of intentions writing it. However, while writing this out, you should have seen just how out of shape you are. It’s time for some changes, and we are going to help. So, no dwelling on this, we will use it as a McMotivator!

On your new under 400 calorie menu we did see quite a few items. The items did not spark the appetite though. Your menu clearly shows that all calories are not created equal. A 400 calorie McDonalds item compared to say a chicken breast with veggies is far different. The McDonald’s choices are laden with fat and processed ingredients. Yes, I know it is 400 calories or less, but the nutrition content makes the items far different. This may be obvious to some, but with drive-thru’s packed like skinny jeans, it shows some people missed the message.

Step 2

Let’s look at some menu specifics. You have one, yes one cookie, as an option. How and why is one cookie on there as a “decent” option. It’s a smack in the face. Another option we saw was an iced coffee. This is no meal item, this is a drink, period. 200 calories for a coffee, seriously? These items were screaming for help as you listed each one. The message once this menu was completed should’ve been loud and clear.

Step 3

Ok, we are done with the critique, as we are here to help. McDonald’s, we have chosen you, so let’s whip you into shape! There are too many items to diagnose one-by-one and it wouldn’t be motivating if we broke it down that way. Instead let’s look at the big picture. You have lost sight of your core. Yes, you have all beef patties, but it’s time to invest in the McLean and toss the McRib.

Menu Makeover:

Beef – Move to a beef that is 85% lean. This will have less fat and less saturated fat. It increases the protein content per ounce. You can make this a big hit overnight by pulling in the support of Olympic athletes already on board.  Suggested sandwich: McLean (85% lean beef, tomatoes, lettuce, pickles, real American cheese*)

Cheese – The cheese no longer melts, it just lays there. Switch to a less processed form that contains more milk and less binders and fillers). This works well on the McLean suggested above. Suggested sandwich: McMelt (kid friendly! Less processed cheese, white or wheat bread)

Chicken – I don’t know what the McNuggets are made of any more. It claims all white meat, but I don’t know what part of the chicken contains that white meat. Look into actual chicken, and we should be all set. No need for alternative suggestions here as these would be great for all of your chicken items.

Fries – If that’s what you want to call these mystical items. I am not sure how something can fall in the cracks of a seat and preserve itself. McDonald’s fries are the one thing everyone finds years later, still intact. The suggestion here is real potatoes and lose the unbreakable protective coating.

These really are simple fixes. The fast food market is going south by not keeping up to date with current trends. Yes, cheap, quick, and easy is a good tactic. However, so is health, longevity, and not being fast tracked to diabetes. Ok, McDonald’s, we’ve got some work to do, so let’s get Mcmovin!