Oh, it must be so nice to be tall. You can reach things up on the top shelf, clean the ceilings without a ladder, and everyone looks up to you! How’s the weather up there, stretch? Bla bla bla… If it’s a crack related to being tall, I’ve heard it. I don’t even consider myself to be tall, or huge for that matter. I’m 6’4” and a bit over 300lbs. I suppose that makes me a bigger dude, but is that really a good thing? Not always! For all of you not “graced” with the size factor, let me shed some light on a few things.
Tall People Can Reach Things
I rarely get on a ladder, which isn’t a bad things considering that I’m oddly afraid of heights. I can reach the top shelf at any grocery store. Yay for me, except not. Do you know how many little old ladies will hunt you down in a busy Walmart just so you can reach that last can of beans on the top shelf? I’m as helpful as they come, but there comes a point when I just want to say no, especially if their attitude sucks. “Oh, you’re tall, reach that for me?”
Tall folks can wash the top of the windows and dust the ceiling fan. Does that mean we like to do those things? Hell no! Change a lightbulb, paint the ceiling, remove old tiles, reach the gutters, rescue a cat from an oak tree… whatever it is, if you’re tall, you get asked to do it.
Big Guys are Handy
How many strong folks out there have been asked to do feats of strength that were nearly impossible? Non-gym goers, or as I call them, “normal people”, see that you have a weight lifting habit and assume that you’re the strongest person they know. It’s nice to be acknowledged for your work, but c’mon, people. Don’t take advantage of it!
Moving people and their things (or sometimes even the people themselves) from one house to another can be a real pain. Just because I can bash a car in with a refrigerator doesn’t mean I’m about to carry your fridge up 4 flights of stairs without any help! I can lift your couch, and I can get it through the front door. I can do it with finesse, or I can do it by pushing so hard the door frame bursts. Your call, folks.
Let’s Go Clothes Shopping!
When is the last time you walked into somewhere like Walmart or Target and saw a non-Hawaiin shirt that was a size XXLT? (That’s a double extra large tall, for “normal people”.) It’s tough finding clothes out there sometimes! Many of the larger individuals in life have to special order their clothing simply because there’s nothing on the shelves that fits.
I’m not talking about obese folks here, I’m talking about bodybuilders, powerlifters, and those of us who were just “born big” and have a “gym addiction”. Thank goodness I have some belly on me to go with the 20” arms, or else I’d look goofy wearing a tarp for a dress shirt. If I had a decent waistline, even down to 34” with a 56” chest that I have now, every shirt off the shelf would just bunch up and look like a mess!
Shoes…oh, shoes… Thankfully there are places that are carrying larger sizes these days. It used to be difficult to find a size 14 shoe, but they’ve become common in most places, now. I’ve even been to stores where a 14 was NOT in the “big feet” section. What a relief! But socks to go with them? Most places only stock up to a size 13. What the hell, man?!?!
Basements, attics, low bridges…
How many of you have a basement, I mean a true cellar? You know, the kind that’s not furnished, has open beams, possibly even dirt floors? Can you walk around down there standing straight up? I can’t, and if you’re “blessed with bigness”, chances are neither can you. For those over 6’ tall, you may recall hitting your head alot in spaces that are built for the average folks. And if you are tall AND have broad shoulders, doorways themselves are an issue. Some of us have to turn sideways!
When is the last time you visited an amusement park and went on all of the grown-up rides? For some of us larger individuals, that simply isn’t possible. Rollercoaster bars cram down onto our knees. They force us to sit in pairs on rides where only one of us should fit. Sometimes that awesome chest bar comes down and needs to click in place. Imagine that bar being forced down by a skrawny college kid as you feel your spine compress and swear you hear ribs cracking, and it STILL will not click into place. It’s frustrating!
Comments, comments, comments
Perhaps one of the most constant things that we larger people endure is the constant barrage of comments that we get from the “normals”. How’s the air up there? Do you wear the shoes or the box? I bet you played football. Can you lift this boulder while I look for my car keys? Comments and silly questions may seem mundane, but sometimes it gets to be a bit too much to bare.
Sometimes in life, you just have to live with the cards that you are dealt. We are who we are, we do what we do, and we live how we live. Being big isn’t a curse nor is it a blessing. It’s just a variation of the individual, by birth or by work, that we should all embrace. No matter what others may think of you, enjoy who you are and accept life’s little foibles.
If you are plagued with the banes of being big, give us a shout out in the comments section below with your stories!