One special gym memory is the inspiration for this article. I was working at a gym when a young kid, around 14, walked into the fitness area. He strolled in wearing headphones, sporting a slurpee, and a bag of cheetos (NO LIE). He walked over to the elliptical and stepped on. I was amazed at this sight even though food was not allowed. After a few minutes, he came over, took off his headset, and asked if I could turn on cartoons! Welcome to the wonderful world of gym personalities.

1. Professor Old School

This guy is not as common as other personalities, but he stands out the most. He is the guy wearing a too tight slinky tank, short shorts, tall socks, and a weight belt. The belt serves no purpose other than keeping his gut from hitting the floor. He rarely lifts any weight and the weight he lifts looking like he’s having an aneurysm. The guy likes to talk about the old days when people lifted “real” weights. Later, you will see him using the ab machine as a seat to creep out the young chicks.

2. Mr. Know-it-all

He has never taken a class on exercise but has read every new magazine. Well, he didn’t read it, he skimmed it. Apparently, magazine skimming makes him an expert that critique’s the way you lift. Oh, he also feels you should lift more like him since he weighs all of a buck fifty! He always claims he is going to bulk up in the off season. He tends to float between the gym area and the cardio section, then talking about which girls are checkin’ him out. Lifting is far from a priority for him, because he says he’s got good genetics.

3. The Meathead

This is not a man to mess with, ever. The facial hair makes him look like a bulked up Charles Manson. Unfortunately for Charles, this guy often listens to Marilyn Manson. He has a slight funk to him to keep others away. This guy is generally a lifting machine and could easily outlift everyone in the gym. The problem with the meathead is that he never talks. This makes him seem unstable and makes you uneasy for staring. Steer clear of the meathead, he may be part werewolf.

4. The Sportsnut

The guy is thankful for tv’s at the gym. If you haven’t seen him, then your gym doesn’t have a tv. He will generally do a quick set of bench, a few sets of arms, but always stopping to catch the game. He often disrupts your workout to ask if you caught any of the game. Even if you don’t respond, he still jumps ahead and explains every bad call in detail. He also always has the backstory that he didn’t quite make it to the “next level” because of politics in sports.

5. Sir-flex-alot

This guy always needs a mirror. However, he feels the mirror needs him. Before a set a flex and after a set, another flex. Unfortunately, this guy is a mixed bag. He is either an average joe-looking fella or an entry level bodybuilder. Nevertheless the flex is the same. No matter how ridiculous he may look, he does not care. If he isn’t flexing, he is spreading his imaginary wings while walking through the cardio section. After all, women cannot tell you are walking like a jackass, right? Oh wait, everyone can tell!

6. The M-M-A…S-S

This personality is newer to the gym, but is spreading like herpes. This guy always walks in with a gym bag larger than himself. He is already wearing hand wraps and chewing on a mouth piece. After several sets of exercises you don’t recognize, BAM, he’s shadowboxing the sh** out of something. The guy is usually bragging about his next fight. If you ask about the previous fight, he lost, but only due to the other guy getting in a cheap shot. His cleanliness carries over into the gym, so you better steer clear of that cauliflower ear.

7. Crazy Crossfitter

Mr. Crossfailure please steer clear of any mirror. You may feel hardcore with your “functional” exercises, but you fool no one. Sir, with every rep you look like you’re going to snap your spine. This guy is will never be in the Crossfit games. He is more likely to be in the special olympics. You get an “A” for enthusiasm and for being an @ss. Take your cheater’s version of a pullup outdoors, please. The big guys are here to work, so move along.

8. The Illusionist

Have you ever seen the guy doing an exercise that looks like he’s about to die? That’s the illusionist. He generally looks like he’s mid seizure. He uses every machine for its’ unintended purpose. If it’s a bench press machine, he’s trying to do some version of a row. If it’s a pulldown, he’s doing some joint wrecking overhead movement. Steer clear of the illusionist as he’s an accident waiting to happen.

9. Captain Clanger

Everyone in the gym hates this guy. It could be 5 pound weights and he’d find ways to make noise. After each set the weights are in a deadfall from at least 3 feet off the ground. After the set he is physically drained so he cannot re-rack the weights. Thanks bro! Because of you gym’s have to post common sense signs like, “Please rack weights.” I’ve got a sign for you too, “Get the he** out!”

10. The Cardio Maniac

This is the real life form of the energizer bunny. From one machine to the next and God forbid you touch one during his precious circuit. This jerk hogs every machine and jumps in during the middle of your set. No questions, he doesn’t care if he can jump in, because he feels you stole it from him. Usually this guy is a weasel. He would rather tell the staff on everyone than get into a serious confrontation.

Unfortunately, you may resemble one of these characters. If so, we’d love for you to sound off on our facebook page. Maybe even share your own personality. Athletic Xtreme Facebook Fanpage