I met a girl. She didn’t really go to the gym, but she “worked out”. When we met I was already a Pro bodybuilder. She had no idea what that meant exactly. She loved my smile, or so she says, but honestly I think the muscles got her. I introduced her to “the life” though, and now she’s my wife and “swole mate”.
Swole Mate
A funny thing to call your love interest. I am seeing it more and more though… everywhere. People training together, lifting together, running together and it really is a beautiful thing. Finding someone that shares that common thing with you. Think about it, you find a significant other that loves the gym as much as you, loves the trails, the meal preps and the macro counting. It adds a major boost of motivation, right? It sort of makes you do better.
Soul Mate but not a Swole Mate
I see this scenario more than I do the latter. You have a level of dedication to your training. Your every day has a reserved time committed to training, eating, prepping, and resting (oh, and other daily stuff, too). But there’s a person you are seriously crushing on. Their personality is incredible, they’re crazy fun to be around, you can see yourself being with them… a lot. There’s only one real issue, they don’t lift. They don’t train. Red flag? Strike 1? 2? And 3? Training is a huge part of your life. How do you pursue someone who might not understand that?
Some Real Talk
Let me hook you up with some advice. I know a lot of people that claim that in order for someone to be a love interest to them, they have to know their way around a gym. They have to know the importance of protein and carbs, macros and gains. Honestly, you limit your options with that expectation and that mindset.
No, I get it. You want what you want and you don’t… no, you shouldn’t settle for less. I get it. The fact of the matter is, and will and should always remain– The gym… training… is a PART of life, and not the only thing in life. I know. Shocker, right? Pick your jaws up off the floor. It’s ok.
I write about training, eating, and things of that nature. That’s because it’s what you want to hear. It’s what you want to read about, learn about, and know about. It’s why you are reading this article right now. I do know more than just gym talk. I’ve learned a lot in the time that I have spent being a bodybuilder, competing in bodybuilding competitions, and living in the life. I learned that no matter how heavy I am, or how long I train, my physique will never be satisfactory to me. I’ll be forever small even though the people around me think I’m “huge”. I know that I will never stop training. What I have also learned is that there is a certain balance that is necessary. A good, healthy balance that allows one to do what needs to be done in the pursuit of happiness and wholeness. This will include allowing something or someone that is a complete opposite to fit right in.
My Wife, Our Life
My wife came to understand that my career in fitness and passion for the industry, was a big part of who I am and what I am. She doesn’t lift for PR’s, doesn’t wear fancy gym clothes, or use cliche terminology. She doesn’t like protein drinks, and she’s not a huge fan of peanut butter. Though she does know how to train. She doesn’t know about macros. She knows how to put on my color for the competition stage. She knows how to calm my nerves leading up to, during, and after my competitions. She holds my camera for pics and video of my training. She packs my meal management bags. She tells me to “suck it up” when I’m acting like a punk on the days I don’t feel like giving my best. She will even take the kids out of the house for a bit when I just need solo time to keep my head in the game.
This isn’t a testament to how awesome she is even though she is. Instead, this is to tell you that limiting yourselves to be with someone who has every single thing in common with you can be detrimental. My wife isn’t my “swole mate”. She’s my soul mate. She wouldn’t have to step one single step into the gym and I would not see her as anything else. It’s a matter of having someone who will understand what your goals are, what your dreams are, and believe in them and you, just as much as you do. It’s about having that one quiet place in your head and in your significant other, where you can go and just get a few moments of clarification. It’s about being happy.
Let It Go Bro
I know many will say to me, “But, Cavino… I know what I want. If a guy/girl wants to be with me, then they have to lift. They have to train or else they don’t stand a chance…” I understand and you’re entitled to that. But if someone shows genuine interest in you, yet they don’t spend hours and hours per week in the gym like you do, how is that a bad thing? I see the jokes on social media. I hear it in the gym all the time. I’ll be brutally honest with all of you reading this, right now… Most of the couples that meet in the gym versus meeting somewhere else don’t last as long as you think. Why? I don’t know. I’m not Dr. Phil or Dr. Drew.
I can only guess that perhaps it has something to do with a certain attraction level or expectations. If someone falls for you because of your physique or how you look, what happens when someone with a better physique or looks better, comes along? That door swings both ways, too. Or, what if a person isn’t as focused as you are? Like, they don’t have any desire to compete, so they just lift and eat whatever they want, whenever they want, while you have a Tupperware container of broccoli and chicken, while sitting in the drive thru of McDonald’s? You might laugh, but I have known these scenarios to be very regular.
Lift and Love
Mainly you need to focus on the love part, but if she’s not into lifting that’s cool. Yes, your soulmate can be your swolemate, too. If you find that, you win. But, in the event you remain very one-sided, and all that matters is that your VIP lifts as often as you, remember that opposites DO attract. As for me and my soulmate, we trained delts together tonight. She worked the 10 and 15’s while I pushed the 40s, 50s, and up. We laughed and we spotted each other. Then we came home. She had chicken and I had steak. Then she had cookies and milk, and I had some whey. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Consider this, maybe you meet someone that doesn’t really know their way around the gym. Perhaps you can take them with you. Spend some time introducing them to it all. You never really know. It could do wonders for your relationship.
Lift and Love, ya’ll. Lift and Love.
